May 2009
If Only I Could Stop Comparing Myself to Other People!
Picture this scene: You re-arrange your work schedule to attend a party
in your child’s classroom. You happily hug your child hello as you
arrive. Then you notice a table filled with adorable ceramic Dalmations,
beribboned and hand-painted for each child in the class by one child’s
stay-at-home mother.
Now try another: Your alumni magazine features the stunning
professional accomplishments of a former classmate. Unlike you, she
has not let motherhood slow down her professional advancement one
bit. Her children, smiling beside her in the magazine photo, seem to be
turning out fine.
If you’re not prepared, either scene could drag you into “the comparison
trap.” Maybe you’ve been there — times when you measured yourself
against others, with uncomfortable results.
It’s a no-win.
Comparisons are a greased slope into a pit of guilt, envy, anger or
feelings of inferiority and intimidation.
More fundamentally, comparisons fail to honor the uniqueness of each
person’s path in life. Just think of all that’s unique about you and the
path you’ve walked! The universe — or your higher power, if you have
one — never asks you to be anybody but you.
Fortunately, you can break free of comparisons. Here are five simple
strategies you can start using today:
1. GIVE YOURSELF MORE CREDIT.
This strategy is preventive. Look inside, and give yourself credit for your
accomplishments and positive character traits. You might even mark in
your calendar reminders to pause and recognize the heart, intelligence,
imagination and integrity you bring to living life your way.
Start now: What can you give yourself credit for today?
2. COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS.
This is another preventive tactic to build your comparison “immunity.”
Cultivating an awareness of all the blessings of your life can take the
sting out of seeing how others are blessed.
You might enjoy counting your blessings in a “gratitude journal,” or
review the best parts of your day as you fall asleep. You might even
count your blessings before you get out of bed in the morning.
Give it a try. How many blessings can you call to mind in the next 60
seconds?
The next three strategies can help in the moment when you have a
“comparison emergency.”
3. EXHALE.
When you notice that you’re comparing yourself to someone else, bring
your attention to your breathing. Then, on an exhale, let the comparison
leave your body with your breath. It’s amazing how a well-timed exhale
can create space for serenity and perspective.
Once you’ve blown the comparison away, you might ask yourself, “Is this
where I want to put my energy today?”
4. RECOGNIZE LOSSES.
Other people’s accomplishments may remind you of goals you have set
aside. Maybe you’ve deferred or even given up hopes and dreams from
earlier, simpler times in your life.
Be kind to yourself, and take time to acknowledge these losses. Create
a ritual or find some other way to give voice to your grief so that you can
move forward in healing.
5. SHIFT INTO A PERSPECTIVE OF GRATITUDE.
Take a couple deep cleansing breaths, letting any tension in your body
leave on the outbreath. Now, see if you can shift into a perspective of
gratitude.
Practice this strategy by bringing to mind a “comparison trigger” from the
past — maybe your ex-significant-other’s new girlfriend, or the obnoxious
alpha-parent you met on the preschool playground. Notice how
relaxing and healing the perspective of gratitude feels.
YOU, YOUR FAMILY AND YOUR CAREER ARE UNIQUE. As you
lovingly attend more and more to your own life and values, you can
leave the comparison trap far behind.
© Norma Schmidt, LLC
Norma Schmidt is a parent of two and a former Lutheran minister. Her
career includes serving as a pastor, campus minister and cancer center
chaplain. She has also worked with children with disabilities. Norma
offers workshops on parenting and on living with serious illness. Her
writing has appeared in “Coping with Cancer” magazine. Download her
free report, “61 Great Ways to Teach Kids about Money” and look
through her other articles by going to http://www.ParentCafeOnline.com
My Trusty Predictions for 2005
Since it is still very early in the year, I will use this space to give you my trusty predictions for 2005. While none of these are guaranteed and any predictions are always fraught with risks, I’m reasonably sure the majority of them will prove to be quite accurate. They are based on my analysis of the personalities involved and the outcomes of similar situations from the past.
(1) The Iraqi elections will go on as scheduled. This is the one I’m the most sure of. Barring some kind of cataclysmic event, Iraqis will go to the polls on January 30. Because of terrorist activity, which will only intensify as that date draws closer, it is anyone’s guess as to how many Iraqis will actually go to the polls. However, President Bush is bound and determined that these elections will take place on schedule, come hell or high water. I doubt if anyone, other than God Himself, would be capable of changing the President’s mind on this issue.
(2) Michael Jackson will be acquitted. Despite how bad Jackson might look, there’s just not enough evidence linking him to the crime he’s be accused of. Most of the stuff that makes him look so bad has nothing to do with this case. If he is acquitted, he should then do the “moonwalk” on the courtroom steps to rub Jane Velez-Mitchell’s nose in it.
(3) Gas prices will continue to drop. This is simply a matter of supply and demand. Oil and gas prices were way too high for way too long. This caused oil producing nations to cheat on their quotas and export more crude. Refiners increased their output as well to take advantage of the higher prices. As a result, there’s now an oil glut, despite OPEC’s announced cut in production. This will continue to put heavy downward pressure on oil prices. I expect the average price of a gallon of regular gasoline in the U.S. to dip to $1.30 sometime in 2005 before recovering a little.
(4) Al Gore will re-emerge onto the political scene. He will start making more high visibility speeches as well as more appearances on the TV talk show circuit, in preparation for his run for the presidency in 2008. Gore will once again become a formidable candidate for the highest office in the land.
(5) Progress will be made in the Israeli-Palestinian conflict. Israel’s withdrawal from Gaza will go on as planned. The new Palestinian Authority leader not be anywhere near the hard-liner that Arafat was. In response, Ariel Sharon will take less of a hard line toward the Palestinians. I’m not saying that 2005 will bring peace between Israel and the PLO, but a step in the right direction will be taken. However, given their history, any progress could be just temporary.
(6) Bush will tackle tax reform, but chicken out on Social Security reform. Social Security reform, at least for 2005, will prove to be too much of a hot potato for the President and for Congress. Tax reform, although difficult itself, is the path of least resistance. I don’t foresee a major overhaul, though. Look for some kind of simplification of the current tax code, along with some version of the Lifetime Savings Account. The Roth 401(k) might finally become a reality as well.
(7) VoIP will start to take off. Voice over Internet Protocol (VoIP) technology allows consumers to make phone calls over their broadband internet connections. It is much cheaper and less restrictive that standard phone service. Most people are still not familiar with it but the major phone companies, along with some smaller companies which specialize in that technology, will start to change that in 2005. They are already heavily advertising it on the internet. I expect a major TV, radio, and newspaper ad blitz to begin in early 2005.
(8) The Florida Marlins will stay put, but the Oakland A’s and Minnesota Twins will start looking elsewhere. The Marlins will finalize their deal with the city of Miami for a new baseball stadium. They will then change their name to the Miami Marlins. However, the A’s and the Twins won’t be so fortunate. The A’s will start serious negotiations with San Jose. The Twins will start looking at Las Vegas, Portland, Norfolk, or Monterrey, Mexico as a possible new venue. The Expos’ relocation to Washington was Major League Baseball’s first relocation in 33 years. Now that the genie is out of the bottle, there could be several more in the next five years.
(9) The NHL season will be partially saved. There is no way the NHL wants to become the first major North American sports league to lose an entire season due to a labor dispute. Commissioner Gary Bettman and the owners will temporarily drop their demands for a salary cap and accept a modified version of the players’ latest offer. This will allow the last 35-40% of the season, along with the playoffs, to proceed as scheduled. However, this will just be a short-term deal that will only take the league through the end of the 2005-06 season. Then they’ll be right back to the drawing board.
(10) Next season’s flu shot supply will be plentiful by October. I expect that everyone has learned their lesson from this year’s fiasco. There will be at least one company, possibly two, producing the vaccine in the United States. Congress will pass legislation to ensure that the production and distribution of the vaccine will be less risky for American companies. Also, the FDA will probably do a better job of monitoring worldwide supplies. Enough will be available for anyone in the U.S who wants one.
Terry Mitchell is a software engineer, freelance writer, and trivia buff from Hopewell, VA. He also serves as a political columnist for American Daily and operates his own website - http://www.commenterry.com - on which he posts commentaries on various subjects such as politics, technology, religion, health and well-being, personal finance, and sports. His commentaries offer a unique point of view that is not often found in mainstream media.
Romantic Valentine’s Day Nights At Home
Pamper your sweetheart without spending a lot of money. If you are looking to do something romantic and special for Valentine’s Day, here are a few ideas you can do at home with your sweetheart that will make him or her feel truly special. A fireplace Picnic- Get a warm fleece blanket and lay it down beside a fireplace. Grab some champagne on ice, serve strawberries with the champagne to add flavor, and then put on some romantic music on the stero. Sweetheart’s Spa Night- when your sweetie gets home from work, have a hot bath filled with rose pedals. Have a glass of champagne or wine, chocolates to nibble on by the side of the bathtub. While your sweetie is in the bath, get the bed ready, add fresh warm towels on the bed, get some spa products, and washcloths. Spa products can include massage oild, moistorizers, footrubs, etc….. Give your sweetie a massage! Afterwards light some scented candles, and enjoy your favorite take out in bed, while you watch a romantic movie. These are a just a few ideas, another favorite is a ‘Red Hot lover’s Gift Basket” for both you and you Valentine to enjoy. Whatever gift you choose to give, make it as romantic as possibe for your sweetheart. Here are a few ideas to make you Valentine’s Day last all year long:
Your relationship with your partner must be an equal partnership; one that mutually supports each other in their dreams and visions of what is best for one another. Make it a point to let your partner know that you value their opinions, ideas and especially their feelings.
Never say, “You shouldn’t feel that way.” Your partner’s feelings are “their” feelings. At that moment in time it is their choice to feel that way. Listen with that understanding. If you must say something say, “I understand how you feel” and if it is appropriate, give them a big hug!
Paying attention to the “little things” is not always easy. It takes practice and it is one of the most important aspects of a successful and healthy love relationship. It is the little things that count. If left to simmer without attention, eventually they may erupt into major conflict. And Last but not least LOVE! Love your partner all year long!!!!!
La Tunya Sifford is a all occasion gift consulant and owner of www.fullmoongiftbaskets.com A one stop shop for all your gift, and gourmet needs- providing free gift basket drawings, personalized and custom themed gift baskets for all occasions.