May 2008
5 Tips for Successful Grandparenting
Building on the cherished connection between grandparents and grandchildren is a life-long privilege. As grandchildren grow and mature the role grandparents play in the lives of their grandchildren changes but the principals remain true at any age.
1. Boundaries are necessary for control and safety.
All children need and must learn to respect boundaries. Being clear about expectations before an activity begins frees you and the child to enjoy the event and ensures the safety of everyone involved. If you observe the boundaries are being violated, don’t be afraid to remind your grandchildren again. Restate the rules as many times as necessary. Writing the rules and posting them or bringing them along is a good idea. If a rule is violated during the activity, ask the child to repeat or read the rules again.
2.Gift giving is not a requirement of grandparenting.
Establish a practice with your first grandchild and stick with it; what you do for one doesn’t necessarily have to be done for all. Financial and family situations change as our children grow. If a family experiences loss of a job or divorce, don’t be afraid to make temporary changes. Gifts are gifts especially when they are unexpected. Surprise gifts are the best. Gifts don’t have to cost a lot. Research supports the fact that “time together” is the best gift we can give. Travel provides time for the grandparent and grandchildren to discover and appreciate each other’s gifts.
3. All rules must be consistent with parents’ wishes.
Anything you do with and for your grandchild needs to be discussed first with the parents. After all, parents make the rules and effective grandparents support them.
Don’t keep secrets from the parents and don’t ask the grandchildren to keep secrets from their parents. Many grandparents believe that some information should not be shared with the parents, but this only undermines the relationships.
4. There is no substitute for planning.
Proper planning ensures that the activity will be discussed with the parents. No matter what the age or sex of your grandchild, planning makes any activity more successful. This is not to say you can’t be spontaneous, but it’s often better and safer to have a plan.
Discuss with the child what he or she would like to do. Give careful thought to the age appropriateness of the activities before you begin. Giving children choices increases their self-confidence and is great training for the future.
5. Grandchildren and grandparents want to have fun!
There is no substitute for good old-fashioned belly laughs. It’s good for you, your grandchild and your relationship. During the activity itself, share with your grandchildren how excited you are about being with them.
Children enjoy getting away from their parents for short periods of time and grandparents enjoy being part of a very important relationship. Parents enjoy their break too.
About the Author
Don Schmitz is a popular speaker and writer on parenting and grandparenting. He is the author of The New Face of Grandparenting …Why Parents Need Their Own Parents and founder of Grandkidsandme, which includes: Grandparent Camps and Grandkid Days. Don holds graduate degrees in Education, Administration, Human Development and father to three sons and seven grandchildren. Contact Don@grandkidsandme.com.
How to shop for Christmas gifts
Okay. Christmas is coming, fast. It’s time to panic. After all,
you don’t want to relive last Christmas Eve. There you were, at
ten to five in the evening, standing in a large department
store, with two gifts still to buy and a distinct shortage of
cash. ‘Never again!’ you said at the time. Remember?
Here is a rough guide on how to shop for Christmas gifts:
1. Decide how much you can really afford to spend. Now, take 10%
off that figure for extras, like wrapping paper, ribbon, bows,
tags etc. Then, divide the sum remaining by the number of people
you will probably buy gifts for. Redistribute the money, so that
you allocate more to close friends and relatives and less to
distant ones. You now have a rough budget.
2. Identify whom, exactly, you are going to exchange gifts with.
There are few things worse in life than receiving a Christmas
gift from someone when you have not bought anything for them in
return. The slight embarrassment of determining this important
fact early on is much better than the bigger embarrassment
later. Refine your budget accordingly.
3. You may agree with some friends and relatives that a gift
exchange is not necessary. This might help both of you
significantly. Perhaps they are less well-off than you are, or
less mobile. Where such agreements are possible, refine your
budget accordingly.
4. Try to agree some financial boundaries with all those who you
do exchange gifts with. Again, put your embarrassment aside and
agree with Aunt Flo’ not to spend more than x on each
other, an amount that both you and she can afford. Gain, and
give, a strong commitment not to exceed the agreed amount, under
any circumstances. Again, refine your budget accordingly.
5. Do ask indirectly, sometimes directly, what recipients would
like to receive as gifts. Every year, millions of unwanted gifts
are bought and given. Many end up in attics, charity shops or
landfill sites. In return, do drop hints and tell friends and
relatives directly what you would like in return. This process
need not dilute the gift exchange experience. By allowing some
scope for choice, it should enhance it.
6. Now, the hard work begins, especially for those who seem to
have everything they need, and don’t know what they’d like
either. Well within the budget for that person, write down ideas
over several days. Think about their lifestyle, hobbies and
interests. Avoid cliché presents that might imply little real
care about the recipient when you give it. Write down things
that they will use every day.
7. Start your shopping early. Contrary to popular belief,
September is not too early. Indeed, some seasoned
gift-givers shop for Christmas gifts all year round and squirrel
them away in hiding places until December. They even buy gifts
for next Christmas in the preceding January sales and during
summer special offers.
8. Shop around online, at least in the first instance. Without
expending any shoe leather, this will enable you to establish
price and availability. Visit product comparison sites first,
rather than the sites of likely, or your favourite, retailers.
You might find that less well-known suppliers offer you better
deals. If you do find good deals, go ahead and buy online! Did
you really want to trudge around cold, damp shopping centres
only to find higher prices and lower stock levels?
9. Do buy offline any Christmas-related items, including gifts,
which require a multi-sensory approach to purchase. It’s
difficult to be prescriptive here, but you may need to judge
first hand the smell of a real tree, the sound of a bell, the
taste of a cheese or the feel of a fresh holly wreath. Also look
in local shops for specialities not yet found on the
Internet.
10. Well before the big day, wrap and hide your presents with
care. You can now rest assured that you’ve bought your loved
ones gifts that they will appreciate, at prices you can
realistically afford, without any last-minute panic buying. Go
ahead and give your gifts, when the time is right, with minimal
risk of embarrassment or disappointment. Do not forget to send
your bank manager a Christmas card too. He or she will be so
pleased that you have spent wisely.
Happy Christmas, everybody!
Do Not Suppress Your Ambitions - Take Out a Student Loan:
In today’s world, education has become very important to build a
career. Gone are the days when people would get a job with an
average education. We are now living in the age of
specialization. You can get a job of your choice only when you
have a higher education. Because of the rising education
cost, getting a higher education has become very difficult. Many
parents cannot afford to pay for their children’s education.
Student loans are very useful in such a situation.
Student loans can help those students who are talented and
ambitious but do not have enough money to pay for their college
fees and other expenses. When you go to college, you not only
pay your college fees but also spend on other necessities such
as food, hostel rent, clothes, books, stationery items, and
other miscellaneous things.
The good thing about a student loan is that you do not need to
repay it until you complete your education and get a job. You
can start repaying your loan once you get a job and start
earning a steady income. Another benefit of a student loan is
that it is usually unsecured since students do not own a
property to offer as collateral. The rate of interest is very
reasonable considering the fact that these loans are unsecured.
There is another type of loans for students known as graduate
loans. Graduate loans are offered to students who have recently
completed their college education. The rate of interest on
graduate loans is higher than the rate on student loans.
Graduate loans are offered to help graduates until they find a
job and settle in their life.
Educat
ion loans are also provided by Student Loans Company.
Student Loans Company is owned by the British Government and
offers loans to students who are unable to finance their
education. To get a loan from Student Loans Company, students
can apply through their local education authority in England and
Wales. Students of Northern Ireland can apply for a loan through
the Student Awards Agency for Scotland or their local education
and library board.
Asian Girls Dating - Who Says Asian Girls Online Dating’s Only For Losers?
Asian Girls Dating is becoming very popular !
Until a good friend suggested that we try it. I had to admit, I
was curious, but wasn’t online dating for hideous losers and
people who had something to hide? Wasn’t it only for those who
couldn’t get a date the ‘old fashioned’ way?
I let my friend talk me into browsing some pictures on one of
the more popular dating sites. I had to say, there were some
pretty decent looking men on there.
Their profiles made them sound like fairly mentally stable human
beings. I had to admit that the single thing was getting really
tedious.
I had done the bar scene (as we all have), had friends try to
‘hook me up’ with some other dateless, picky single person
(though, why some of them figured they had the right to be
picky, I have no idea), with no success.
Online dating, here I come. I figured “What do I have to lose?”
At the absolute worst, I’d meet more of the same type of losers
that I’d been meeting. At best, I’d meet someone that I was
actually compatible with who could also relate to me.
I had another dilemma with regard to the dating thing. I had
been divorced for about a year at the time, and I have 2
children. Now, I know that you ladies who are divorced with kids
can completely relate to what I’m saying here.
Finding a decent man is difficult enough, add to that the fact
that I’m looking for a decent man whom I can trust to be around
my children. Finding a man anywhere on this planet, that I
wouldn’t mind having my son emulate, is like trying to find a
pair of Manolos on sale at Sears.
Anyway, I signed up with my friend on one of the ‘bigger’ dating
sites. I met one dude, who said in his profile that he was
5′10″, with an athletic build. He had an attractive face, he was
divorced, and he had 3 children who were presently in his
custody.
He sent me an email. We corresponded via email for about 2
weeks, after which time, we decided to meet for lunch at a local
restaurant. He arrived at the restaurant earlier than I did.
Early enough to have been already seated when I got there.
He barely stood up to shake my hand upon saying ‘hello’, which I
thought was a little weird, but whatever. We talked from lunch
time until the hour turned into dinner time.
The conversation was going so great, that we decided to stay for
dinner, after which time, we decided to take in a movie. When
the waitress brought the bill, he paid it and as we stood up to
leave, I saw why he was already seated at the restaurant when I
got there, and why he didn’t fully stand up to greet me.
This dude was about 5′7″ tall! Now, I’m 5′4″, and in the boots
that I was wearing, I was nearly taller than he was! I was so
cheezed that I immediately lost my taste for the movie, made up
some excuse about not feeling well all of a sudden (it must have
been the fish), and boogied on atta’ there.
On my way home, I thought, “Is this what online dating is?
Dating loser after liar, never finding that ‘one’?” I’m not
saying that this dude was a loser because he was short.
The entire problem for me, exists in the fact that he LIED. I
can’t stand liars. If he lied about something as obvious as his
height, what else would he lie about?
I learned very quickly that when it comes to online dating, one
has to be extremely specific about what one wants, and one has
to stick to her guns. Not that some of those who read those
specifications give a hoot anyway.
I put in my profile that I wasn’t interested in dating anyone
over 45, and I got mail from men well past that age on a regular
basis. I learned that I had to be assertive almost to the point
of being aggressive when it came to dating online. I had to say
what I meant, and mean what I said.
As a result, I’m dating someone (8 months now) who meets every
piece of the criteria that I set out to find in a man. He’s
physically attractive (Yes, it DOES MATTER), and Lord help me,
he’s as smart as a computer (brains makes me weak).
He’s also an amazing person inside, and he gets along well with
my children. We live at completely opposite ends of the city,
and if it weren’t for bumping into each other online, I’m sure
we would never have met.
I chose to think about online dating as follows; when I’m in a
bar, and some loser tries out his lame pickup line on me, I have
to respond to him in some manner, right? When I’m dating online,
I don’t have to respond at all! I have more men to choose from
than those in my immediate circle of friends and associates, and
am able to choose from as far away as I want to.
If you’re thinking about doing the dating thing online, go for
it! If you’re smart, you have nothing to lose, and absolutely
everything to gain.
I’m Dao Jones from Thailand, founder of Asian-Girls-Dating.com.
A unique dating site with writing, dating and culture tips, as
well as lots of information about the special characteristics of
Asian girls.
If you want to know more about Asian girls go to my favourite
pages :
Click here to find lovely girls from
Thail
and - Phil
ippines - Japa
n - South
Korea - Vi
etnam - China
- Hon
g Kong - Sin
gapore - Mal
aysia - Taiwan
- Russi
a - India<
/a> - In
donesia
OR GO TO OUR ADULT DATING PAGES :
Thailand
- Philippine
s -
Japan - South
Korea - Vi
etnam - C
hina - H
ong Kong - S
ingapore - Malaysi
a - Taiwan
- Rus
sia - India<
/a> - In
donesia
Best regards
Dao Jones
Advertising - Does it Matter?
When advertising, you need to sell your opportunity, your products and yourself. What sets you apart from everyone else? Maybe you produce a newsletter with a specific content where there is a demand from a particular group of people, or you promote your own special product that no one have not yet seen.
That’s a huge benefit! That’s what you need to sell in your ad campaign, and those are the things you need to do in order to become successful.
You don’t have to be worried that network marketing prosperity is difficult. It isn’t. In fact, it has never been so easy to make a decent second income or even a full time. But it takes time, persistence and uniqueness.
The people looking at your ads and reading your follow up letters are going to judge you and your whole business not only by what the materials have to say, but also by their appearance.
Be sure you send a powerful, positive and convincing message. Invest some time and money on your marketing materials, the payoff will be well worth it. Look at others ads on the Internet, see what’s attracting you, this will most likely attract others too.
Do you see what I have in mind? Your advertising campaign will be the propel to your business success. By now you think “How do I create one of those successful ads” After all, It’s the words that sell your opportunity. Write a good ad and It’s taking you to the top. Read others ads, get some good ideas from it, don’t copy it, that’s theft. Just get some inspiration from it. Let your friends take a look at your new written ad and say what they think about it, honestly.
Now where to put your ad? If you place your ad in a pets publication and the ad is promoting toys for children you might not get a single response. But placed in the right publication it will be a winner. It’s very important that you from the beginning know exactly where to put your ad. Just think about you having spent hours on that ad and then you put it in the wrong publication and get no response at all, that’s a big waste of time and effort.
My best advise is that you always work on your ads. Write them down, leave them for some time, go back to look at them again, let others look at them and after a while you will see the picture of your ad and you will se if it’s working or not. If not then you have to start from the beginning and write a new one and follow the same procedure again. But now it’s easier because you are deeply involved in the process.
The Internet are full of ads, start clicking around and read others ads, this is the best way to learn what is working or not. You probably can tell instantly when an ad is good or not at least after a while.
This article courtesy of http://www.ult.net. You may freely reprint this article on your website or in your newsletter provided this courtesy notice and the author name and URL remain intact.
Organize 1000’s Of Photos Easily
The easiest way is to start right from the beginning, your pregnancy. Chronological order is an easy way to organize your photos, that’s if you remembered to write all the dates down.
If you’re like me, you didn’t exactly start out that way. So here are some tips to get your photos organized and ready for scrapbooking.
THE DATE!
The date may not seem urgent for you to write out because you may think that you will easily remember what “month” your baby was at in the pictures.
But when they hit 4 or 5 months old, it can be hard to determine which month they’re in.
So…..As soon as you pick up your pictures from the developer go home and write the date (if you have a photo safe pencil) on the back of each picture.
Or you could get on the computer and type all the details out onto labels and put that on the back of each picture. Also make a label for each negative too.
STORAGE
Take your photos OUT of the envelope they came in and put them into a storage box or file folder.
A great way to store your negatives is to put them into a storage sheet and into a binder. This way all your negatives are stored together, safely, and out of the way.
STAYING ORGANIZED
A great way to stay organized and up to date is to take at least 1 roll of film of the baby each month.
This way the next time you go grocery shopping just drop the film in and pick it up on your way out, quick & easy.
You can now sit down and do your 2 page layout. When you’re finished, put the extra pictures away in storage.
COMMIT YOURSELF
We all have such busy lives these days and usually the only time we commit to scrapbooking is when we go to a crop.
If you commit to at least once a month to sit down and do your 2 page layout of your baby, you’ll be completing an album in no time. Now if you want to sit and do 2 or 3 spreads, then by all means, please do.
IF YOUR CHILD IS OLDER
If you are scrapbooking your child’s baby pictures then get them involved too! We all know that scrapbooking is an awesome time to bond and build relationships with people. Why not your own child? Get them organizing & helping you out.
Focus more on what was happening in the picture to help you remember at what age your baby was. If you can’t remember, then scrapbook the pictures by the event.
It doesn’t necessarily have to be on chronological order. 
Follow these above steps and you will stay organized and up to date on your baby’s first year.
Get going!
Vera Raposo has been giving away free baby scrapbooking tips since 2003. With 3 children of her own she realizes the importance of remembering your history with scrapbooking. Vera is now sharing some of her fun tips here. http://www.scrapbooking-baby-magazine.com/free-clipart.html
The Evolution of the Ski Rack
Skiing has changed greatly over the years, and so have ski racks. People no longer simply attach wooden planks to their feet to go skiing. There are now quick release bindings and parabolic skis and… gasp… snowboards. Just as there are different skis to get you down the mountain today, there are also different ways to get your skis up to the mountain.
Ski racks have undergone a makeover, even recently. When my father was first learning how to ski, he would just strap his skis to his horse… alright, so my father isn’t quite that old. But he certainly did not have a ski rack. He probably didn’t even know what a ski rack was. The first time he went skiing in college, he drove his VW Bug up to the ski resort. He’s lucky that the weather was willing to allow him to even get to the top of the canyon - his Bug could not have handled anything other than bright, road-warming sun.
His Bug certainly did not have room for his skis and his buddy’s, so they found a way to tie their skis to the roof of the car. They would have used duct tape, had they known what it was. But, instead, they used twine and tied their skis to the roof like a Christmas tree. They most definitely would have loved to have had a ski rack back then - they wouldn’t have had to turn around and backtrack half the distance of the canyon, just to look for the missing ski.
Ski racks definitely make it much easier to get your gear up the mountain. Ski racks are far superior to tying your skis to the roof. Ski racks are also superior to bungee cording your hatch shut because it won’t quite close when your skis are sticking out! Ski racks are much better than putting your snowy skis inside your car to melt and dampen your seats.
Over the years, ski racks have had to change to incorporate snowboards and to fit on different cars. You can even buy sedans with ski sleeves that allow you to put your skis in through the trunk and up through the back seat to the front. You no longer have to drill holes in your roof to attach a ski rack. You can get a ski rack that will hold both skis and snowboards easily. You can lock your ski rack to ensure your skis’ safety. You can remove your ski rack during the summer so that you can get better gas mileage. Or you can leave your ski rack on top of your car during the summer and simply convert it into a bike rack or a kayak rack.
Ski racks have come along way. Perhaps ski racks have improved just has much as skis have over the years.
Anne Clarke writes numerous articles for websites on gardening, parenting, fashion, sports, and home decor. Her background includes teaching and gardening. For more of her articles on please visit Ski Racks.
Real Pearls Verus Fake Pearls
Sometimes customers interested in buying pearls are concerned that they won’t know the real thing from the imitation. Here are some tests to help you determine if you are looking at well-done “fakes” are genuine pearls.
The tooth test
The tried-and-true method of determining if a pearl is real is to rub it against your teeth. Real pearls will feel slightly gritty and rough because of the layers of nacre than have formed over time.
An imitation pearl will feel smooth and glasslike. That’s because the imitations are made by dipping a plastic or glass bead into some sort of paint, sometimes including iridescent fish scales.
If you are looking at a strand of pearls at an antique store or estate sale, look carefully at the drill holes. The coating over imitation pearls will fade, chip or even discolor over time. You can easily see chips or flakes around drill holes.
Warm versus cool
An old wives’ tale says that if you hold real pearls in your hand, they’ll be cool to the touch for several seconds before warming up. This is not a sure-fire method to check for authenticity.
The best way to guarantee you buy real pearls is to always deal with a reputable pearl dealer.
Author: Kevin Canning
Pearls Of Joy is the leading online retailor of cultured Akoya Pearls, Freshwater Pearls and Tahitian Pearls
Secrets of a Happy Marriage
My husband and I have a perfect marriage.
There. I said it.
Now some of you may be inclined to roll your eyes or gag. Some of you may think I’m exaggerating, lying or suffering from some delusion. Some of you may feel like I’m bragging or insensitively flaunting my happiness in total disregard of all of those folks who don’t have a partner or unconditional love in their lives.
In the past, I would have succumbed to the pressure, and believe me, it IS pressure, to keep my big mouth shut when I would hear folks talk about marriage, or the opposite sex. Regardless of whether I was sitting in the therapist chair talking to clients, on the phone coaching someone or sitting across from a friend at lunch, whenever the topic of marriage came up it I’d hear the litany, “We fight like everyone else.” “It’s never perfect.” and the half-statements delivered with an eye roll and knowing glance, “You know…men…”, “You know…women…”
Let’s face it. No marriage is perfect!
When I was younger, if I voiced my objection to these sweeping statements, “Well, actually we don’t fight.” “My husband isn’t like that at all.” I would be met with, “How long have you been married?” “Five years.” Then the smirk, “Oh, you’re still babies…just you wait.” Or if they would concede that we did have a good marriage it was always disregarded with comments like, “Well, you’re LUCKY.” And, many times I would be told outright, “I don’t want to hear about your happy marriage. I’m married to a jerk.”
So, you hear this enough and you learn to keep your trap shut.
Then, in a group last year, in the midst of a huge discussion about the perils and pitfalls of marriage one of the group members said,
“I think good marriages are an urban myth.”
I just couldn’t let that go.
The FACT is, 13 years in, our marriage is getting better every year. It isn’t blind luck and it certainly wasn’t beginner’s luck, this being a second marriage for both of us. It breaks my heart to see so many bad marriages out there. It really does. A true marriage is an amazing and beautiful bond. (I do include same sex relationships here, despite my earlier reference to the “opposite sex”.) Because we have so very few models of healthy marriages out there, I’d like to share what I have come to appreciate and understand about what makes a marriage work in the hope that some nugget will help you establish, create or strengthen your own bond.
1. ‘Til death do us part. WOW. Do people even promise that anymore? You can’t promise this AND get a pre-nup. I’m sorry if I’m offending everyone out there, but I think entering into a marriage with an exit clause is destructive and dangerous. Nothing you could say will change my mind on this so hang on to those e-mails. The reality is TRUST is critical in a marriage. You can’t trust someone AND ask for a dissolution agreement ‘just in case’. If you need that, one or both of you is holding back or is seeing something that you should be paying attention to but are trying to ignore. Yes, many people have been horribly hurt and feel they need to protect themselves from future risk as a result. Exactly. You are entering in to a relationship with someone you fundamentally do not trust. If I’m in a partnership with someone that may well see me through illness and death, I want to know they are up for that. I need to know that they are capable of loving me even when it’s painful.
Paul Simon says it this way in “Look at That”:
Ask somebody to love you takes a lot of nerve.
Ask somebody to love you,
you’ve got a lot of nerve.
I couldn’t agree more. Think about what you are agreeing to when you enter in to a marriage. I didn’t the first time. I’m older and wiser now. I get it. So does my husband.
2. You are married to/marrying an individual. A finite individual. An evolving individual. An individual put on this earth to do certain things, learn certain things.
The reality is your partner is going to change. This is simply a fact. And it is a fact that each INDIVIDUAL has to figure out for themselves what this life is going to mean to them and how they want to walk their path. You have to get your ego out of the way and love your partner through their evolution. It is NOT your partner’s responsibility to stagnate because you fear change. It is NOT your partner’s responsibility to stay locked in a life situation (say, a miserable job) to maintain your status quo.
Once again I have to give it up for Paul Simon, in his most excellent CD, “You’re The One”:
Nature gives up shapeless shapes Clouds and waves and flame But human expectation is that love remains the same And when it doesn’t we point our fingers and blame blame blame
This whole evolution thing is one that I have really come to appreciate in thelast 5 years. When I changed my career I put myself on a path that acceleratedmy own personal evolution beyond anything I had ever experienced. And it scared me silly. I was one of those folks who feared growing apart from my husband. I didn’t know how he would deal with my changing. In my first marriage my husband was overtly resistant to my growth and change, a predominant factor leading to our divorce. In fact, I have heard MANY stories of similar situations in other marriages…including threats of divorce when one or the other spouse showed signs of becoming too strong or too successful.
The reality for me now is that my husband is incredibly secure and confident and master of his own ship. And he expects me to be master of mine. He didn’t marry a deck hand. Not only does he accept, but he nearly insists that I run my ship through all kinds of uncharted waters and assumes my journey will change me in a myriad of ways. We both know where the harbor is but neither of us wants the other to spend life docked in stagnant water.
3. Your partner is capable of experiencing an entire array of emotions, many of which will have nothing to do with you. Not every emotion is a reflection of you or is something you have to fix. This is a biggie for women especially, but I see it in men as well. Your spouse is angry about work, you have to make them happy. Your partner is sad, you feel inadequate because you were sure you were the source of eternal happiness for them. You’re partner doesn’t like their career, you stay in one that you hate, too, until they get settled in something they enjoy.
One of the things I appreciate the most about my husband, and myself within this marriage, is that we really do understand that we have our own paths. We have both spent many years in the medical field and we are, by nature, participants in life, so we have seen many heartbreaking things. My husband works with disabled children, I worked with adults. When you agree to be present to life, fully present, you expose yourself to great pain and grief as well as joy. Seeing many people die over the years and being with people through dark days in their lives has brought home to each of us that, in the end, it is your own story you are writing. Love each other all you want, but all you really KNOW is that you will be there when you die. And maybe that’s all. So, there is a fundamental loneliness to life, existentially speaking. Everyone you know today can be gone tomorrow. Look, we’ve all seen that happen in recent years in this country.
So, recognizing the truth of this enables Scott and I to have conversations, as fellow humans, about what the journey looks like from our respective paths. We can admit to each other that we are lonely sometimes without feeling like we are making a derogatory comment about our marriage. We can be frightened, or sad or grieving and allow each other that without feeling we have failed by not protecting each other from that experience. Being married doesn’t mean that you can protect each other from life on its most rawly human level.
4. Respect each other’s process. Not everyone copes with everything the same way you do. We all are impacted by life in different ways. What your partner does is not a reflection of you or on you. Here are a couple examples: I used to work in the same hospital with my husband though we never saw each other during the day. When work was over, I’d meet him at his office and we’d walk to the car together. Sort of. While I was wanting to walk with him and hear about his day, he would be racing 10 feet ahead of me. At first I took that personally (let’s give it up for Don Miguel Ruiz!), but then I got my own ego out of the way and remembered that this man is running all day long all over the hospital while I was in one small suite. You can’t just slam on the brakes! So, I allowed him that space to come down from his day and usually by the time we reached the car I had caught up with him and by the time we got home we were in sync. Had I made his process about ME, I would have been cranky, needy, demanding or some other version of annoying and then he’d have to fix me after a full day of work. That would just be creepy, and totally unnecessary.
On a few RARE occasions, I have seen my supremely kind and charming husband nearly pick a fight with beloved friends. I remember the first time this happened and I was mortified…he was debating on some taboo subject (you know, politics or religion) with a really mild-mannered 75 year old friend of ours. Now, I’ve been on the opposite side of Debate Boy a time or two myself and I have to say, it’s intense! As a spouse, I felt apologetic…and wanted to distance myself from the situation. Again, my ego got in the way and part of me was concerned about the reflection of this on me. But then, I got a grip and realized that this man had been involved in a huge string of school conferences which were extremely contentious and he had to be the peacekeeper. So, of course, he had all this pressure built up that was about to make him explode. He needed a good old fashioned argument to decompress! So, once I got it, I laughed, let him go since our friend actually was keeping pace just fine. Even if our friend WAS offended in some way, which he wasn’t in the least, it would have been between the friend and Scott to work it out. It wasn’t about me. Narcissism is just never good for a marriage.
And NO, I have never done anything to make my husband wince, so we’ll leave it at that.
Being committed to another doesn’t mean you become the other. Lives combine but in healthy marriages they don’t become absorbed one into the other. Celebrate each other. Embrace change. Encourage evolution. Remember where you end and they begin. In short, love each other as Other.
Laura Young is a personal development and business coach and collaborator for hire. To learn more about her, visit http://www.wellspringcoaching.com.
To visit Laura’s blog, Musings of an Ant Watcher, go to http://antwatching.blogspot.com
Popular Hair Removal Solutions
Some of the more popular methods of temporary hair removal are Shaving, Waxing, Depilatory Creams and Threading. It can be hard to decide which method to use. What suits one woman may not be the right hair removal solution for another. What does each method involve?
Shaving
Shaving is the cheapest and fastest way to remove unwanted body hair. Its downside is that it only last for a few days at most. Shaving only removes the hair above the skin line so its needs to be done on a regular basis to maintain smooth skin. Depending on your rate of hair growth you may need to shave underarm hair more often as it grows faster than leg hair.
Although wet shaving is best, don’t allow your skin to soak for too long as this causes it to swell slightly and wrinkle which makes getting a close, clean shave more difficult.
Waxing
The longest lasting temporary hair removal method is waxing. It’s the most effective method to remove hair on the legs and thighs. You can expect hairs to grow back over a three to six week period. Hair can be pulled out from the root after warm wax enters the follicle. Waxing can be painful for anyone with sensitive skin and before waxing again hair most grow back by about 1cm.
Before the actual waxing a preconditioning lotion should be used. The hot wax is then applied to the skin and covered with strips of cloth. As the wax hardens around the hair strands the strips of cloth are quickly pulled away. As this is done the skin is pulled taunt opposite to the direction the cloth strip will be pulled from.
Pain is obviously subjective but most women find waxing only mildly painful. Probably the best advice is to try and relax! Once you have had several wax treatments the easier it will become.
Depilatory Creams.
If you want to remove unwanted hair fast then depilatory creams may be a solution. They basically contain a chemical that reacts with the keratin that makes up hair. Once applied this allows the hair to be wiped away from the skin line.
It’s often best to first apply a warm wash cloth to the area you are going to treat. This softens the hair and opens up the hair follicles. As some people can be sensitive to depilatory creams you should first test a small area on the forearm.
This type of hair removal should last for several days.
Threading
Threading is a method of hair removal where a doubled up strand of cotton is twisted around individual hairs. The cotton is then used to pull the hair out from the roots. Threading is now quite common in the United states but it’s origins lie in an ancient Middle Eastern technique. It’s mainly used on upper lips and eyebrows and is faster than tweezing.
Martin Lloyd has commented on health and beauty matters for many years. For other practical advice, tips and hair removal information visit http://www.hair-removal-123.com/hair-removal-articles.php